I started going to Grace Free Will Baptist with my family when I was 14 years old. In fact, We were all baptized by Rev. D on a cold winter night in a baptismal that had no heat. My Mom was 31 and my Dad was 34. Yes - my parents married 'off the farm' Mom was 16 when they got married in March (she turned 17 in August). Dad was 19 and turned 20 in December.
We went to GFWB for several years. During my teen years, I spent every available moment I could at the church. If the doors were open and the young people were there, I was there. I had more friends there than I did in school. I had friends at school but they were more like acquaintances. Except for Beth Peed. She was my bestie and even though I don't see her much today, she still is. :)
So a friend of mine, Carol, was getting married. We bridesmaids had these yellow dresses made for the wedding. Mom paid someone $75.00 to make my dress. It was cap sleeved, scoop necked, tied below the breast area, had a big wide ruffle on the bottom outer layer of fabric. I believe it's satin or taffeta. It's two layers yellow and white on top. I had to go home the night after the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner to add some lace on top of the bodice.
It's Friday night and Carol and Pete are getting married on Saturday. I went to the church wearing my nice (well nice for polyester) twead purple/pink with cuffs at the bottom dress pants and a nice top. When I got there, Carol told me that instead of being a bridesmaid, I was now moving to stand at the front and hand out the bulletins, while her cousin was going to be a bridesmaid. $75.00 for a dress to be made to stand at the front and hand out bulletins. But, it was done. I guess the cousin was put out that she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid, so since I wasn't the closest to Carol, I was put out front. That hurt. But I forgave her. It was her wedding and nice Charlotte didn't believe in causing a scene. Little did I know, shortly thereafter I would cause a crying scene.
We were all standing around down below the pulpit and Rev D was behind the pulpit pulling us together to pray and then have the rehearsal. That man was as diplomatic as a donkey. Out of absolutely no where, he shook his bible at me and in front of all my church friends, he said "I don't ever want to see a woman wearing pants in this sanctuary again". I know I had a smile on my face as he started to speak and then it slowly disappeared, as I was absolutely mortified. He finished without skipping a beat, saying. "Now let us pray".
I didn't pray. I couldn't. I could only stand there with my eyes WIDE OPEN staring at the man who at that moment was the devil himself. How could he embarrass a 16 year old girl that way? Couldn't he take me aside and let me know without tearing my dignity to shreds? Nah - wasn't his speed. Keep in mind this was a man who thought we were supposed to wear dresses everyday; even if we were skating. Know what guys would see if I was skating wearing a dress? Uh huh... you got that picture? I was not the best skater. I should have known better but I was thinking since it was Friday night and not a true church night, it would be ok.
I somehow made it through the rehearsal. Well crap, what did I have to rehearse? Here's your bulletin???
The two hurts coming within mere minutes was too much for me. The rehearsal dinner was just after the 15 minute rehearsal. I stayed about 15 minutes before I exploded in tears. I can forgive a lot of things and I know I was a sensitive soul; but I just couldn't hold it. I asked someone to let Carol know that I was going home and would be there tomorrow, as I didn't want to ruin her rehearsal. You see - it's all about her and Pete that night...not me.
I drove home, crying the whole way. 10 minutes later, I walk in the back door at West Mount and Dad is siting there watching TV. I am almost hysterically crying....I walk over to where he is and this 16 year old girl climbed into my fathers lap and cried until I could explain the situation to him. Once I stopped crying, I got up and told him I had to put lace on the dress I was wearing tomorrow. I was in the foyer standing there feeling like death warmed over, my face swollen and blotchy, stuffy, eyes watering, head hurting and I'm ironing the hand sewn lace on the dress bodice. I figured Dad was still watching TV, but evidently; this was worrying him.
Out of no where I hear my Dad say "Rev D, This is Paul V and I'm calling to find out what the hell you said to my daughter tonight to upset her". Once again that night I was floored. Dad explained to him how I'd come in crying and hurt from being treated the way he treated me in front of my friends. And he explained that that was the incorrect thing to do to anyone. They talked for a while and I got the impression that Rev D was back peddling. Didn't matter, he wasn't sincere. He never thought he did anything wrong, and was his job to point it out, to hell with your feelings". I'm standing there in the den feeling faint and Dad says "Rev D says he would like to see you tomorrow after the service as he wants to apologize to you". Then, "Now Rev D wants to know what you would like to say to him". I told Dad "Tell him I'll be there tomorrow at church for Carol's wedding as I promised to do that and I won't make a scene, but after that service is over, I'm leaving and not coming back to the church".
Rev D stated he understood, but still wanted to see me and apologize and shake my hand. I didn't want it. After the service was over; I walked out of the church. I didn't shake his hand and I didn't go back until 1995, when Billy K contacted me. They pulled together the old youth singing group. Ronny and Lynn came from Georgia. Most of the rest of us were still around Rocky Mount. We got together and sang. I shook his hand that night and said hello but didn't spend any extra time with him, and I haven't been back since.
Looking back, I shouldn't have been surprised at HOW he felt that night...still how he handled it, yes. A year or two before that; we had talked Billy K (Youth director) into the teenagers having their own service on Wednesday night. We got approval and started meeting in the oldest sanctuary. After several weeks, the young men asked if they could be allowed to wear dress pants and shirts, but ditch the dress jackets and ties. We all agreed on it and assuming Rev D was OK with it. Weeks later, we girls asked if we could wear dress pants, and tops, dress shoes....not dresses. Seems some of the guys were now wearing sweat pants and sweat tops. So - why were we dressing so uncomfortably. We were allowed to debate this (there wasn't a debate for the guys, just a general..yeah ok, sure we are ok with it) kind of thing. We girls and the guys were in agreement that the girls could dress down some. Here comes the punchline..... So Billy K says, "This is great conversation and if up to me you girls could do this". "We can all vote yes that the girls can dress down at our own private church meetings....but if we vote yes, Rev D is closing down the separate service".
I was in shock. So smart ass that I am asked "WHY DID WE DEBATE THIS?" "IF WE WEREN'T GOING TO HAVE AN HONEST CHANCE AT GAINING ANYTHING" "THANKS FOR NO CHOICE".
One summer before that, Teresa H and I had gone to pick up a birthday cake, and we stopped by the church to see Billy K. We saw him outside as he lived in one of the houses on the property. We drove up int Teresa's Volkswagon SuperBug and I had the cake box in my lap. We never got out of the car. Rev D found out we'd been in the car, in the parking lot and HORROR UPON HORROR, we had on shorts (presentable shorts). I told ya, he expected dresses every minute of every day of each girls life. Needless to say.....swimming was a no-no for us girls. What would we wear? I HATE that kind of oppression.
I loved the Baptist Church for one thing...the music. The Music was so awesome. Singing.... loved it. I HATED the Baptist Church for it's head up the ass Men are superior beings to us lowly females. To this day, those men can kiss my emancipated ass. LOL
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